


Relationship Status: Single, Last I Checked

by SilentWaves



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Didn't Know They Were Dating, Everyone Thinks They're Together, M/M, Swearing, also the 3-e people barely show up they're just there, even though they're geniuses, korosensei is important and he made a big impact in karma's life ok, oblivious idiots, the asano/ren is very irrelevant, they're in their third year now and are about to depart for uni
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22126318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentWaves/pseuds/SilentWaves
Summary: Asano Gakushuu and Akabane Karma are definitely not dating… except that they totally are.alternatively: These geniuses are idiots when it comes to love, especially when it involves themselves.
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Asano Gakushuu, Asano Gakushuu/Sakakibara Ren (one sided)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 428





	Relationship Status: Single, Last I Checked

**Author's Note:**

> wow it's been forever since I had time to write!! But yes, I am very happy with how this turned out so I hope you enjoy some of these lovable smartasses being idiots.

“I don’t like you,” Asano Gakushuu blurts out, not usually this dull and forthright with his rejections, but he figured that when he’s speaking to Ren Sakakibara, this would be the method with the smallest chance for misunderstandings.

“Uh… sorry, what?” Ren replies, very eloquently, looking up from his textbook. They’re in the library, Ren sitting, Gakushuu standing, and Ren was _trying_ to get some English studying done before Gakushuu barged in with his declaration. Gakushuu takes a deep breath.

“You- You’re a very good friend. And I respect you. And I’m sure there’s someone out there for you, because you’re such a pleasant person. But I don’t think of you… in that way. And. Um. I hope we could forget this matter going forward in our lives.” And Gakushuu dips his head a little, mostly to cover the growing blush of embarrassment growing on his face. Rejecting irrelevant classmates was easy, but his long-time friend? Not so much.

“Woah, um, slow down, Asano-san. I never said-- but you always-- oh, forget it, who am I fooling, you’re definitely smart enough to find out something as obvious as this. Well, you don’t need to worry about me, or anything,” Ren replies. What’s surprising to Gakushuu is that Ren sounds disappointed, but not surprised.

It’s been completely evident since the first time they met. Ren’s eyes always lingered a half-second too long, his attention just slightly away from the task at hand whenever Gakushuu was around. There wasn’t much to say, except that Ren had a crush on him. Gakushuu, with his knowledge of human sociological behaviours and just general common sense, figured that he should let down his friend easy before the other party begins to have unrealistic expectations towards their friendship. 

“I hope this won’t… become a problem.” Gakushuu was hesitant. He has rehearsed his words multiple times, and yet he’s hesitating at the crucial moment. “I do truly respect you, you know. You’re a dear friend to me, but nothing more.” 

“No, I understand,” Ren smiles. “Because I don’t even think I’d be able to keep up with you.”

“Nonsense,” Gakushuu smiles back, teasing. “Who could?”

Ren laughs. “Yeah, that’s a good point. Your current relationship is one that I’m sure will last a long time. I had no chance to begin with.” And the bell rings, and Ren leaves to go back home.

And Gakushuu stands in the empty classroom, dumbfounded, because he’s pretty sure he’s not seeing anyone.

* * *

It’s during the dark hours when Karma pulls out his graduation handbook from Korosensei. He was the closest being Karma’s ever had to having a real parent, and this book full of advice and love was one thing that Karma would never take for granted.

Today in particular, when his birth parents came home and left all just as Karma returned from school for the day, did the loneliness settles in. He was planning on calling Gakushuu over to study together, but the other boy mentioned business he needed to attend to after school. 

Karma’s lonely, so he takes out his handbook. He flips to sub-section 12 in chapter 46, past lovingly-bookmarked pages and notes and doodles scribbled in the margins. He begins reading, and he could swear that he could hear Koro-Sensei’s voice.

_And Karma, now that we’ve discussed the importance of maintaining healthy relationships with those around you, and ditching all those toxic influences in your life, let’s talk about the juicy ones! You, of all the students in class 3-E, was ranked #3 most likely to get a long-lasting partner! Congratulations!!_

And Karma snorts, not only because of the cheering octopus that Koro-Sensei drew to accompany that “award”, but because he’s never heard of any vote like that in the first place. It’s really just like Koro-Sensei to make his own top 10 rankings and call it a class decision. 

_And come on, Karma. We all knew about your little crush. It’s alright though, because we support you all the way, and we know you’ll find happiness with him! I’ll do my best to watch over you and your classmates, and I hope you know I’m supporting you all the way! And if you two do plan on getting married anytime in the future (see page 1512 for ideal marriage age depending on your career path), maybe consider giving your old teacher an honorary invitation?_

And Karma’s nose is starting to get runny, and his heart is beginning to feel like a thousand anti-sensei knives are digging into it. He blames it on allergies (which he doesn’t have).

_And if you have kids… that is… I guess you’ll have to adopt. (flip to page 1093 for adoption procedures) and if they don’t already have a name… Maybe consider naming them after dear ol’ Koro-Sensei? (ahaha… that’s a bit of a silly name there). **Note while revising** : I’m sorry Karma!! I totally forgot to think about your partner! He doesn’t seem like the type of person who would care about who gets invited and naming and all that, but please ask anyways!!!! I would hate for him to have a negative image of me!!!!!!_

Koro-Sensei finishes his revision note with a crying octopus, because of course he does. 

Karma is beginning to wonder a bit about what all this “relationship stuff” with “him” is, though. As far as he remembers, he hasn’t been in a relationship since the first grade, and anything before the age of 10 doesn’t count (or 8, according to Page 439). 

_You already heard me say how little your parents should matter to you, because of the way they treat you, so don’t worry about “coming out” or giving yourself stress over them. They’re not worth your time, and your happiness is more important than anything they can tell you. Speaking of which, are you enjoying high school with him? Are you two--_

Karma doesn’t feel emotions regarding his parents. He just… doesn’t. They don’t care about him, so he sees no reason to care about them. So when he reads the thoughtfully crafted words that Koro-sensei wrote… the page starts to get a little blurry, because Karma has yet to find a way to read when tears are threatening to fall.

* * *

After Karma calms himself down, because there was _no way_ he’d call his friends while it’s obvious that he was crying, he voice calls their 3-E group chat. 

“Hey Karma! Is everything ok? You never call, especially not this late at night,” Nagisa joins the call, the vigilant friend he is. 

“Yeah it’s, like, 1am. Literally who’s up this late when we just finished pulling a shit ton of all-nighters for our mid-term exams?” Nakamura joins, yawning.

“Well obviously you are,” Karma says, smiling. “So you have no right to be criticizing my life decisions.”

“Ha! Well, I am.” Nakamura responds. “So what do you need?”

“It’s about the Koro-Sensei graduation manual”

“Damn, Karma. You finished it?” Nagisa asked. “I tried to read a little every day, but I’ve barely put a chip in it!”

“Hell no I didn’t finish it. I have a life, you know”

“Yeah, I’d imagine going on dates all the time must really take up your time” Nakamura teases (at least Karma’s pretty sure she’s teasing, because last he checked, he’s definitely still single).

“Ha Ha. You’re so funny.” Karma deadpans. 

“But yeah, you were saying about the Koro-book?” Nagisa asked.

“Uhh well, there was this chapter, and-”

“Hello everyone! Why are we calling at 1am?” Kurahashi joins the call, unintentionally interrupting Karma.

“Heyy Hashi-chan, we’re just discussing the Koro-manual” Nakamura says.

“Oh that! Hahah, I try to save pages for when I get insomnia, but then I always get super into it and end up pulling an all-nighter!” Kurahashi laughs.

“Yeah, I do that too!” Nagisa says.

“But then why are we talking about the Grad-Book at 1am?” Kurahashi asks.

“Because I got confused about a part of it,” Karma responds, a little miffed that he really can never get a word in with the 3-E gang, but at the same time too used to it and too endeared by their enthusiasm to care.

“What part? Koro-sensei gets pretty deep with some sections, but that’s probably ‘cause he totally researched our home situations and stuff so that he can teach us to the best of his ability.” Nakamura points out.

“Yeah, that’s not what I’m worried about. Apparently-” Karma began to explain his dilemma. 

“Hey guys, sorry I got here so late, I just realized a call was going on. What’s up?” Okajima joins the call. Karma groans.

“I think we’re talking about the Grad-Book? Probably? Karma got confused by it,” Kurahashi answered.

“Cool. Imma just leave you guys on as background noise while I finish this dating sim, ‘kay?” Okajima says.

“Nice. Great. Ok. So here’s my problem: Apparently I was dating someone.” Karma says.

“Ok. And?” Nakamura asks.

“ _And_?? How could I be dating someone if I’m single?” 

Karma is desperately searching through his memory for something of substance. How could Nakamura be so calm about it? Maybe they all thought his little crush on Nagisa back then was reciprocated? But that’s impossible, that was before they got moved to 3-E. In other words, forever ago. They were kids! It didn’t get reciprocated then and it didn’t suddenly get reciprocated when they moved into class 3-E together! ~~And besides, Karma likes someone else right now.~~ Did the class think they were together? Is that what all this fuss is about? 

“Oh, wait, did you two break up? I’m sorry to hear that,” Nagisa says, breaking up Karma’s train of thought. “You two were a really good match.”

“...what?” 

“Oh, if you broke it off then you made a real bad mistake, Karma.” Nakamura somehow made her frown come through on a voice call. “Unless he was being a shit. Then you were totally in the right to end things.”

“Wait, wha-”

“Yeah, I mean, given his father, I can’t see how he would have turned out alright. Sorry it didn’t work out, Karma. You’ll find someone who deserves you.” Kurahashi says. 

“Like, sure, you two were totally perfect for each other, but I guess people change.” Nakamura says. “I guess reading that part in the Koro-manual after a breakup can be pretty upsetting.”

“Did the breakup just happen?” Nagisa asks.

“What- no- what?”

“Did you two just break up or did it happen a while ago?”

“I- it- it never happened??” Karma stuttered, at a loss for words.

“Oh, so you two are still together then?” Kurahashi asks. “That’s great!”

“Then what’s with all this fuss?” Nagisa sounded confused.

“Uh, the. Huh? The fuss? I-”

“Wait, what’d I miss? Karma’s getting dick?” Okajima cuts in.

“Hey, that’s private, Okajima-kun! You can’t just ask someone that!” Kurahashi scolds him. 

“Well if he’s dating someone than he should take the opportunity to get laid!” Okajima says.

“Wait so. Wait. Remind me who I’m dating???” Karma is _very_ confused now. 

“You… You don’t know? But you’re dating him?” Nakamura laughs.

“Karma… For the last three years… have you not been dating--”

And before Karma could hear the end of Nagisa’s sentence, his phone dies. And Karma is sitting on his bed, speechless and even more confused than before.

* * *

The next day, Gakushuu and Karma are on a lunch date. But it’s not a lunch date, because while both the involved people managed to get first and second place in the last exam, neither party is aware of the incredible unresolved romantic tension surrounding their “study session”.

Karma picks up the crayons on the desk, and sketches a sine graph. Gakushuu calmly puts his notebooks and pencil case away, because a) there is not enough room for all the textbooks that he brought, and b) previous experience taught him that studying with Karma becomes an absolute nightmare if they don’t have any colours, which Gakushuu mentally scolds himself for forgetting (is Karma actually six years old? Or is he just pretending in order to piss off Gakushuu? Probably the latter).

“So I was reading up on the MIT exams, that’s where you’re going, right? And they posted the astrophysics tests there. Here’s the first-” Karma began, scrolling through his phone to find the website.

“Hold on. You know that I’m going to MIT for business, and not astrophysics, right?” Gakushuu interrupted.

“Yeah. And? Scared of some stars?” 

“Pfft. Alright, whatever. Throw the hardest one at me”

“Ok, so we’ll start with the first question on the final exam. The graph is provided,” He points to the graph he drew earlier. “The orbit of the first accretion powered millisecond Xray pulsar was measured here at M.I.T. using data from the Rossi XRay Timing Explorer Satellite. The Doppler delay curve for the motion of the neutron star is given in the figure below. The amplitude of the sine curve indicates the projected light travel time across the orbit of the neutron star around the center of mass of the binary. (a) Use the figure to estimate the value of ans sin(i) for this system, where i is the orbital inclination angle. Express your answer in cm or m.”

“Um,” Gakushuu starts, then bursts out laughing. “How old is that exam?” 

“2006, why?” And Karma’s a little embarrassed now, because the later questions even took him a while to solve.

“This is _so_ outdated. I was doing this kind of study two years ago!”

“And yet, I bested you in the mid-term exam,” Karma sighed dramatically. “You really are only capable of rote memorization. Will I ever find anyone with as high an intellect as I?”

“Yeah, in a rock” Gakushuu fake-glared. “Besides, if _your_ memory was a bit better, you’d remember that we are currently _tied_. And this final exam is our tiebreaker, which I will, of course, take.”

“That’s a lot of confidence from someone who I know _for a fact_ could not stop obsessing over that one Netflix show. How will you have time to study? And what would your father say if he finds out about these” he gasps for dramatic effect “illicit activities?”

“Oh shut up. I’m watching it all now that I don’t have to worry about it later, and he watches it with me, but I’m pretty sure he’s faking enjoyment because of ‘family bonding’ or whatever,”

“Hah, sucks to suck.’ Karma pauses to think. “Yeah, I think if my shitty folks decided that I was suddenly ‘good enough for their attention’, I’d probably retreat to watching kids cartoons too.”

“ _Jackass_. It’s hardly a kids cartoon. The heavy message it sends can be received by all ages.”

“ _Bitchboy_. The main cast is like. 12.”

“ _Dipshit_. That’s the point! They’re barely teenagers and yet they’re forced into this major war that they never wanted to be a part of. I would have thought that you’d know how it feels, with the government and shit.”

“ _Imbecile_. Nah, the government promised us, like, 10 billion yen to kill him. And we got that money, so,” he shrugs, “it’s cool”.

“ _Douchebag_. Well anyways, you should watch the show someday, you’d definitely enjoy it.”

“ _Ass_ -”

And Karma doesn’t finish what was sure to be a very childish retort (as if they weren’t just exchanging childish retorts not seconds earlier), because the waiter comes up to their table.

“Have you two gentlemen decided on your order yet?” The waiter asks.

“I’d like the Poêlée de Légumes de Saison, please,” Gakushuu pointed at the item on the menu.

“Ha, pretentious much? Just gimme the cheeseburger, lactose-free cheese, no patty, _s’il vous plaît_ ” Karma scoffed.

“ _Merci_ gentlemen, and if you need anything, just call any of us over,” The waiter leaves.

“Um. What do you mean _pretentious_? You literally spoke French, and asked for possibly the worst burger modifications possible,” Gakushuu pours himself another glass of water from the pitcher that the waiter brought.

“Yeah, _pretentious_ , coming in here with your fancy food names and smooth pronunciation,”

“Well of course it’s smooth. My French is fluent, you know,”

“And somehow you still find the time to be the top student in Japanese. You’re crazy, you know?” Karma smiles.

And then Gakushuu’s heart uncharacteristically skips a beat, because when did Karma Akabane, local prankster and havoc-wreaker extraordinaire, give out compliments? Especially to his rival in academic standing? Gakushuu clears his throat.

“...Thanks. You know, your English is pretty crazy too. If I didn’t know you, I would have definitely thought that you were some kind of foreign exchange student,” He smiles back. 

And then Karma nearly chokes on his water, because throughout their past three years in high school, Karma has never heard Gakushuu sound so… _soft_. The ex-principal may have admitted that his teaching methods were wrong at the end of junior high, but it was only recently when he admitted his parenting methods were wrong too. But that couldn’t be the reason why Gakushuu was all of a sudden averting his eyes (as though he was shy? Or embarrassed? Or basically any emotion that Gakushuu would never have dared show three years ago?) and… was that a tint of red on his face? Was the room warm? Karma thought the room felt pretty warm. He swallows. 

“...Thanks,”

And they sit in silence for a bit, because what was there to talk about? Redirecting the conversation back to studying was a bit pointless now, since they’ve both decided to start _complimenting_ each other out of nowhere. 

The food arrives, and they pick up their utensils. Karma picks up his burger and looks very excited.

“Do you want some?” Karma held out his burger. "Don't worry. There's no meat or dairy in it.”

“I’ve… never had a cheeseburger before,” Gakushuu laughed softly. “You know fast food leads to shrinkage of the brain, which causes Alzheimer’s?”

“Yes,” Karma deadpanned. “I lured you out here with the false pretense of studying to give you Alzheimer’s. You got me.” They laugh.

“Besides, Alzheimer’s can be prevented if you use your cognitive skills frequently, which you obviously do.” Karma continues.

“Whatever. Anyways, I do sports, so-”

“Ughhh, and I did assassination,” Karma interrupted. Then looked around to see if anyone heard him. No one did. “I still ate junk food every day. If you don’t want it, you can just say so.”

Karma began to retract his arm when Gakushuu grabbed his wrist, and leaned down. 

“I’m obviously still going to eat some, dumbass,” Gakushuu took a bite, not seeing Karma’s face go a little bit more red.

“How is it?” Karma asked after Gakushuu’s bite. 

“It tastes like bread. If you were going to get me a vegetarian burger, you should have asked for a veggie patty. This is just lactose-free cheese, tomato, and onion between two buns, so-” And suddenly he’s coughing, because the chilli spice hits his tongue, and suddenly Gakushuu is gulping down his glass of water. When he finishes his own glass, he takes Karma’s, and finishes that too. He then refills both glasses and eats some of his own dish to counter the heat and pain that’s running down his throat and covering every inch of his mouth. 

Karma’s laughing the whole time. 

“I can’t-I can’t believe someone as intelligent as you are would let me to _feed_ you!” Karma laughs, gasping for breath. “We’ve been around each other since _junior high_! We had that prank war in first year!”

“Fuck-” Gakushuu said, alternating between quick bites of his dish and gulps of their water. “Fuck you. And you know I’m getting you back for this.” 

The best part was, this wasn’t the first time it happened. Gakushuu’s guard naturally fell whenever Karma was around, and Karma never got sick of seeing Gakushuu’s perfect princely image fall to pieces. 

This playful animosity between them started on their first day of high school, and Karma and Gakushuu were, for obvious reasons, put into the same top-level class. They greeted each other, and Gakushuu felt sparks fly when they shook hands. Literally. Because Karma was wearing a joy buzzer. 

The next day, Gakushuu stuffed Karma’s shoes with tissue paper so that he’d have shoes that didn’t fit the whole Phys-Ed period.

As revenge, Karma pulled the classic ‘water bucket on the door’ trick, catching a few other unsuspecting victims in the meanwhile, but most importantly resulted in Gakushuu wearing his gym uniform the rest of the day. 

Then, when Gakushuu promised to get Karma some food when he forgot his lunch, he brought Karma a pack of Chicken McNuggets from the nearby McDonald’s filled with assorted vegetables. Due to his own pettiness, Karma refused to eat it, and his stomach ended up growling the whole afternoon.

This continued back and forth for a while, with Karma covering Gakushuu’s desk with sticky notes, or Gakushuu hiding a bunch of expired coupons for Karma’s favourite places, and even changing each other’s phone shortcuts and contact names. They only had one unspoken rule: nothing that would cause harm (physical or emotional) to themselves or others. As long as the prank complied with those rules, it was all fair game.

However, they soon noticed that their pranks worked against them. 

Once, Gakushuu replaced all the ‘Simmered Au Lait’ drinks (which most of the student body, including Karma, favours) in the school with exact replicas filled with mayonnaise. It caused havoc, as expected, but it also resulted in people being hesitant to buy drinks that Karma enjoys, making sure nothing is ever out of order for him in the vending machines.

Then, as Karma noticed Gakushuu feeding some stray kittens near the school entrance, he took a picture and spread it around the school. He was hoping to embarrass Gakushuu for showing such gentleness, which totally contradicts his ‘cold ice prince’ image, but instead made people want to vote for Gakushuu in the upcoming Student Council President election, which he then won. 

But it wasn’t all fun and games. They were in high school now, after all. Gakushuu would never strive for anything less than perfection in his academic performance, and the reason Karma came to Kunugigaoka High in the first place was for the challenge against Gakushuu. It was nearing their first mid-term exam when Gakushuu was thinking of surrendering, in order to preserve his own academic standing, when he found a sheet of ruled paper slipped inside his desk. 

It was a set of review questions, but modified to be more difficult, with an answer key on the back. And it was in Karma’s handwriting. 

Gakushuu smiled then, solved the questions (correctly, he knew, but he checked anyways), and began brainstorming ideas of what he could come up with to challenge Karma. 

For the remainder of the month, until mid-term exams, their pranks were simply hiding review problems in inconvenient places, and as soon as they solved all the problems correctly, they created another sheet for the other person, and hid it somewhere where they knew the other would find. Gakushuu would get a paper airplane from Karma during gym and have to solve trigonometric identities while doing laps, or Karma would find a sheet stuck at the bottom of his bento which he would then have to solve before lunch ended or he'd end up being late for his afternoon classes (surprisingly, the only times Karma arrives _on time_ to his afternoon classes are when Gakushuu gives him a time challenge like that, just to prove that he can solve them within a short time frame). 

Needless to say, while their pranks were harmless, the other students all became very aware of the prank war that was happening between the two most elite students in their school, and decided that they really should stay out of their way until this resolves itself.

But knowing these two, and their insatiable competitive instincts, they wouldn’t stop just because of a few upsets or because they reached an unspoken truce for the duration of the exam studying period. Karma started this prank war, and Gakushuu intended on finishing it. But Karma wouldn’t give up, because Karma Akabane is most definitely not a quitter nor a loser (but also, his title as ‘Kunugigaoka’s Resident Prankster’ would then be tarnished). 

Tensions came to a head on the most ironic of days: Valentine’s Day.

Both Karma and Gakushuu intended to use this day to establish their own superiority once and for all. And they’ve both spent a decent amount of time planning for this day. 

Gakushuu was up first.

No teacher is dumb enough to assume that teenagers would favour schooling over romance, and so they’ve all opted to make the lessons lighter for the day. Gakushuu is aware of this, and decided to spend the night before perfecting his special chocolates for the next day instead of studying.

What were these special chocolates? Chocolate that looked like regular, innocent chocolate, but tasted either like soap or hot peppers. Perfectly edible, but Gakushuu knows Karma well enough by now to know he’d eat them during class, and with no way to run outside to wash away the taste. And Gakushuu also knows that Karma’s intimidating enough for all the girls giving him chocolate to want to hide them in his shoe locker instead of giving them in person, providing Gakushuu the perfect opportunity to swap them. 

However, Karma also had an idea for Valentine’s Day.

It was obvious to him by then that Ren had a massive crush on Gakushuu, and there was no way that Karma would miss this opportunity. He knew Gakushuu enough to know he doesn’t like any sort of sweets, but tries to hide it so as to not discourage anyone from giving him chocolate (it’s the principle of the matter, or something like that). Ren was close enough to Gakushuu to notice it as well, so there’s no way he’d actually prepare chocolates. This meant the coast was all clear for Karma to make his own ‘Ren Chocolates’ and fill them with wasabi. 

Karma thought it would be foolproof: Gakushuu wouldn’t deny chocolates if he thought they came from his dear friend, and Ren wouldn’t have to worry about revealing his feelings for Gakushuu once he discovers that it was a prank, and not a confession. 

The only thing they didn’t realize was that their pranks cancelled each others’ out perfectly. Karma kept his Ren Chocolates inside his shoe locker, and Gakushuu took notice of them (because when did Ren ever show interest in Karma?) while he was swapping out the chocolates with his own special ones. 

It was when he saw the same bag of chocolates “from Ren” again that he realized what had happened, and a week’s worth of planning from both parties had gone right down the drain.

That was their ceasefire, when they agreed to only allow one payback action per prank, and only one prank per month (their review question sheets were an exception to this rule). Gakushuu made contracts and everything.

And so we’re brought back to the present, three years later, where Karma had used up his prank of the month, resulting in a laughing fit and Gakushuu chasing down the waiter for more water.

After they finished their meal, and Gakushuu has a _pretty good idea_ of what he wants to do as his payback action, the waiter brings their bill over. Karma leans over the table.

“You know, I saw a flyer outside the restaurant. Apparently, since the owner just got married, they’re having a 75% off offer for all couples,” Karma scowls.

“Seriously? So I have to get a date to save money now?” Gakushuu scowls too. “Stating the obvious here, but that’s incredibly unfair.”

“Yeah, like, if the owner’s so happy about getting married, they should apply the deal to everyone, y’know?”

“Exactly. And um… hey, it’s kind of late, would you maybe want to come over to my place?” Gakushuu asks.

“Sure.” Karma replies. “You can show me that cartoon you’ve been raving about.”

“Perfect. I’ll call my driver,”

Gakushuu calls his driver and places his dad’s credit card into the machine. He frowns at the amount, confused.

“Hey, it looks like he’s here, let’s go.” Karma gets up.

“Alright.”

They leave the restaurant and begin their travel to the Asano household, and Gakushuu wonders why the meal was so much cheaper than expected.

* * *

Asano Gakuhou is confused. He’s not usually confused, because he not only knows everything but he’s also in control of everything. If something or someone is out of its proper place, he forces it back to where it should be. Or now, he supposes that he’s merely encouraging it back, instead of any mind-controlling persuasion. 

But this, while not entirely unexpected, is unusual. His son is someone who has never once slipped from his peak performance state, and even when Gakuhou has decided that he should start making up for the past 18 years of Gakushuu’s life by being more lax with him, Gakushuu still doesn’t stop striving for anything less than his best. 

Besides, they’ve just finished their midterms, and they should really be relaxing to allow the brain to properly prepare itself for the onslaught of learning to be done for the final exam. 

And also, Gakushuu did receive his early acceptance offer into MIT for Business, and so it’s not as though he has any worry regarding his post-secondary education. 

But… bringing a boy home? Has Gakushuu even come out to Gakuhou yet? (He’s known for a while, because Gakuhou knows everything, but he, the good parent that he now is, wants to make sure Gakushuu is as comfortable as possible.) No, he does not recall Gakushuu coming out. 

But this is certainly not a study session, because Gakuhou doesn’t see any of those insipid (not that he’d ever say that out loud) ‘Five Virtuosos’, or whatever pretentious name they’re going by now. Instead, it’s a mop of incredibly familiar red hair that comes out of his car. 

“Well, at least I know him,” Gakuhou mutters to himself, watching Gakushuu walking and laughing with _Karma Akabane_ , of all people.

Gakuhou realizes in horror as he watches them approach his porch. _He should have definitely seen this coming_. He’s thinking about how _it was too obvious_ and _what were you expecting, Gakuhou, what else could have come out of that ‘prank war’ they had three years ago_ and _well they’ve probably been going out for a while now, your son doesn’t like you enough to tell you about this kind of thing, remember? And when did you need people to tell you things for you to know about it, Gakuhou?_ , but most importantly, how _shit. Good parents probably have to whole-heartedly approve of their children getting snatched up by other charming kids._

Gakuhou lets out a deep sigh, hears the maid opening the door, and attempts to hide the sadness on his face. 

Gakushuu’s laughter, which Gakuhou himself hasn’t heard since… since a long time ago, rang through the entrance hall, accompanied by Karma’s own devil-like giggle. 

“Ok. Actually though. _Please_ tell me that didn’t actually happen. If it did, I’ll never be able to look at Sato-sensei the same ever again” Gakushuu said, glee evident in his voice.

“Yeah, it honestly did! He was just there and-” Karma doesn’t finish his sentence because they both burst into laughter. 

“But then what happened to his actual salad dressing? Did you just throw it away?” Gakushuu asks.

“Nah. I poured it in his coffee mug.”

“Ha! He totally had it coming! Serves him right for- oh. Hello, father,” and the joy disappears from the younger Asano’s voice, as he makes eye contact with his father.

“Good evening, Gakushuu. I trust your dinner went alright?” Gakuhou forces a smile (although he knows he’s good enough at pretending that the two children would never notice). However, he does deliberately keeps his gaze a little sharper when looking at Karma (not like he’s trying to intimidate the young man though, because that’s not what good parents do, probably). 

“Yes father. Karma and I will be going to the living room now,” Gakushuu barely stops himself from falling into a bow. 

As they’re walking away, Gakuhou allows himself exactly 15 seconds to grieve over the fact that his own son will never truly see him as a trustworthy figure. Once he finishes counting, he proceeds to the kitchen to tell the cooks to make a rhubarb pie to later be delivered to Gakushuu.

* * *

“Damn, you call _that_ friendly fun family bonding time?” Karma throws himself onto Gakushuu’s bed and rearranges his pillows to accommodate his position.

“Fuck no. You’ve seen him, how the hell am I supposed to be able to act friendly around that?” Gakushuu nudges away Karma’s legs and sits cross-legged beside him. 

“Yikes. That sounds no fun. How do you even breathe in this house with his suffocating aura?”

“I can’t. That’s why I have a bar lock on my door, and why I’m always in here,” Gakushuu sighs and turns on the tv. 

“Well at least he’s not getting on your case about schooling and shit anymore. Right?” Karma uses Gakushuu’s phone to send a text message to Shiori, a maid, about bringing snacks. 

“Well, not really,” Gakushuu sighs again. “But that’s sort of the problem.”

“What do you mean?” Karma looks up from Gakushuu’s phone. 

“It’s just… I’ve always wanted to go to MIT for business because my only goal in life was to defeat my father. Becoming a CEO would have been the best way to make more money than he does, and prove that I’m the better Asano. And I would have done it without his weird brainwashing or sabotaging methods. But now…” Gakushuu trails off.

“Now his methods have changed,” Karma finished the sentence, slinging his arms over Gakushuu’s shoulder in hopes of comforting him. 

“Yeah. Now he just looks so sad all the time, and it’s not like I forgive him for how he’s treated me my whole life, but I still respect him.” Gakushuu leans into Karma’s arm. “Did you know his whole reason for that batshit crazy intense teaching system was because he lost one of his former students to suicide?”

“Yeah, Koro-sensei found out and wrote about it in some of our graduation books when he felt like we should know the situation.”

“So I’m thinking that because my father no longer has any way to funnel his sadness into his work, it’s just… there, now. I don’t want to strike someone while they’re down.”

“But at least you enjoy business, right? That’s why you went into it?”

“Not really, I enjoy being right and being the best. As long as I can do that, I don’t care what I do.”

“Yeah, if you invest your money right you really can do whatever you want, huh.”

“Exactly. But you want to be a bureaucrat, right? I think it’s a good match for you.”

“I do too. Honestly, before I had the idea of being bureaucrat, I figured I’d be ok with doing anything, as long as I’m not too bored. Oh, I can’t work with kids though, annoying brats.”

“Same,” Gakushuu laughs. “I was originally going to become a chairman or a teacher, but then I realized that I just can’t handle children.” 

“Yeah, they suck. It’s like, why can’t everyone just grow up already?”

They laugh, and they lay there in comfortable silence for a few heartbeats, not quite ready to sleep yet but also not fully awake. Karma was just about to fully fall asleep when a knock on the door was heard.

“I’ll get it,” Gakushuu yawns.

“Hello, Gakushuu. I brought you some rhubarb pie and the snacks that Shiori-san prepared. What are you two doing in here?” Gakuhou was at the door, to Gakushuu’s surprise. 

“Thank you father. We were just preparing to watch a show in order to relax our brains to allow for the onslaught of learning required for our final exams. Afterwards, we plan on sleeping at our regular time.”

And Gakuhou smiles, because it’s times like this when he realizes that Gakushuu does, in fact, take after his father, even if it’s just a little.

“Well, you two enjoy yourselves. Text a maid if you need any more food or drinks.” Gakuhou turns to leave and stops.

“And… Akabane. You’re not too bad of a match for my son.” Gakuhou walks away, leaving two confused, slightly pink-faced third-years behind. 

“Um. What was that?” Karma turns to Gakushuu. “He knows that we’re friends, right?”

“He should. Not only is he Asano Gakuhou (who knows everything and everyone) but you’ve come over to my house before? Multiple times?” Gakushuu looks puzzled.

“Did- did he _just_ approve of me? After my class managed to kill a mach 20 monster in under a year while we were 15? After I got a perfect score in the final exam on 2 separate occasions? After-” Karma begins.

“Ok, well, your first perfect was while we were in junior high, so it doesn’t count,” Gakushuu interrupts. “but your point still stands. I was pretty sure he’s approved of our friendship since you defeated his shitty teaching ideology three years ago.” 

“Yeah, so what was- oh.” And it all clicked. Akabane Karma, currently tied for best student in Kunugigaoka High School, a literal genius, realized what everyone has been trying to say since… (and Karma reflects on this for a second) …since junior high. 

“What?” Gakushuu asks, kind of hating that Karma arrived at the solution before he did but also more than a little curious as to what the solution _was_.

“Well, uh, you see. Um… ” Karma knew he was flustered, which is out of character for him, and he knows it’s obvious because the heavy shade of red that his face was turning would have been a dead giveaway to even Terasaka, much less Gakushuu. 

“Spit it out, Karma. What was my father talking about?” Gakushuu narrowed his eyes.

“Um. I think… That he… (and a few other people)… think we may be… together,” Karma, still beet red, and morbidly ashamed of the fact that he’s beet red, mumbled.

“But we are together? We always study at my house when- Oh. _Oh, shit_. Really? Us?” Gakushuu, also steadily turning the same shade of red as Karma is, was mentally berating himself for not thinking of such a simple answer sooner.

“ _Fuck_ that conversation with Nagisa and the others makes so much more sense now,” Karma realizes how embarrassing that conversation was for him now that he knows the topic. 

“ _Nagisa and the others?_ You mean even class 3-E from _three years ago_ thought that we were dating?” Gakushuu is dumbfounded. Karma is dumbfounded. They realize that they’ve been pretty dumb. 

“Um. And I think Koro-sensei thought that as well,” 

“But?? He doesn’t even know me?” 

“Something about… a ‘white-hot’ rivalry… or something” Karma looks up, unaware that he’s been staring at the floor in the first place.

“Huh. Well, he was a former assassin, after all. I guess intel-gathering would have been second-nature to him, even if I was barely involved in the goings of your former classroom,” Gakushuu looks up as well.

“Pfft. Barely involved. You’re funny. Everyone would always be worried about ‘Oh, what do you think class A’s going to pull next? What else do you think Asano-san is going to do? Koro-sensei, do you think our skills are enough to go against them?’” Karma tried to break up the tension in the room. It works.

“Hah! Class A didn’t care about you guys, it was just me, as a stupid vendetta against my fath- Wait. Fuck. Why would father think- But we’re- But _I’m not out to him yet!_ ” Gakushuu starts whispering, in case his father had been standing by the door. Was this his plan? To get Karma to trick Gakushuu to admit in front of his father that he was, in fact, bisexual? But why would Karma go along with this plan? And how did Gakuhou find out that Gakushuu liked Karma? But then again- 

“Chill out, Gakushuu,” Karma grabbed Gakushuu’s face, hands cupping his cheeks. “I can practically see the gears turning in your head. There was no bribery or brainwashing involved. Remember? Gakuhou knows everything and…?” 

“…if he doesn’t, he’s already controlling it,” Gakushuu finishes. It was a silly little thing they came up with, but it helps, and making light of the elder Asano’s insane skills makes him almost seem human. 

“He probably already figured something with how… I don’t know. Whatever he does. Probably found gay porn on your computer or some shit like that,” Karma grinned, teasing.

Gakushuu scoffs. 

“Even if I were to watch something as useless and distasteful as porn, which I don’t, I wouldn’t be idiotic enough to leave it in a place where he could find it.”

Karma laughs, and they fall into silence. 

“So,” Gakushuu clears his throat. “Your former classmates.”

“Yes. My former classmates. What about them?”

“Do you think they’d be distraught if we told them that we are, um, not together?” 

“Since when did you care about the feeling of lowly peasants, Mr. Ice Prince?” 

“Since forever. Obviously. But really, it’s been three years since they’ve seen us and I think they’re probably the only ones who… Wait,” Gakushuu looks alarmed. “Do you know where I was yesterday after school?”

“Um. No? ‘business that needs to be attended to’ or something?”

“I was meeting up with Ren, because it’s been obvious for a while that he likes me. And I was rejecting him before he had the chance to make a confession.”

“Yes. Ok. Arrogant of you, but you also were not wrong. How did it go?”

“It went well. But then he mentioned something about how ‘my current relationship was already good for me’ and how he was ‘no match for my current partner’” Gakushuu’s mouth tightened in thought. “He was talking about you.”

“Oh shit. Ren? _Ren?_ One of the Five Virtuosos that have been around you since you entered junior high? Thought that you were- _are_ dating me?”

“Haha… funny, right?” Gakushuu laughed nervously.

“Yeah, it’s a shame we have to break it to all of them that… you know… we’re single.”

There was an awkward pause, while the two lovestruck geniuses stewed in their own thoughts, afraid to come forward but also hesitant to lose such a golden opportunity.

Karma always figured that the two of them would make a good pair. They were equally matched in academia and physical ability, and they always pushed each other to their limits without crossing any boundaries. Within their first high school year, they came up with enough challenges and bets to ensure Gakushuu learned everything there is to know about the former 3-E class situation, and that Karma will have enough blackmail material to last a lifetime. Not to mention, Gakushuu may be the most attractive person Karma has ever seen. 

The only reason for Gakushuu to reject him would be because he was afraid of coming out. It’s not like Karma has a fear of rejection. Ask anyone. Karma has never once been scared of not being good enough, never. Not when Koro-sensei proved that he needs his comrades to truly succeed, not when he realized that his parents don’t care enough because they never wanted a child, not when his former teacher betrayed him, and certainly not when Gakushuu will inevitably reject Karma because he’s not the heterosexual partner that Gakushuu probably wants. But… and Karma is considering it for a bit… it’s not like his dad cares (obviously) and it’s not as though anyone would dare mock him about it. And since when did Gakushuu _care_ about the feelings of others? What _is_ stopping Karma from straight up confessing? Nothing except his own ~~self-~~ doubts, he supposes.

Gakushuu figured that Karma Akabane would be the ideal partner for him, especially when considering the other eligible singles in Japan. Not someone who’s too pushy, but also not a pushover. Someone who’s perfectly in sync with Gakushuu and doesn’t just ask to be first place in his priorities; he earns it instead. Besides, they’d be _the_ power couple of Kunugigaoka, and isn’t being the best the _raison d’être_ for Gakushuu?

The only reason for Karma to reject him would be if he was still hung up on the blue-haired boy from Karma’s youth (‘ _Nagisa Shiota_ ’, his brain supplied him, but he ignored it because Gakushuu has an Ice Prince image to uphold, and he’s not supposed to be bothered with learning people’s names). But when has Karma ever discussed him with the same gentle ferocity that he showed Gakushuu through the years, or competed against him with the same ‘white-hot’ (thanks Koro-Sensei) competitiveness as he’s had with Gakushuu? Nagisa is effectively, entirely, just a friend to Karma, and Gakushuu may have allowed his own unfamiliar emotions to shield him from that fact.

They both take a deep, slightly shuddery, breath.

“There’s something I-”

“Well to be honest I-”

They speak at the same time, and stop once they realize it. 

Another pause. Their heartbeats are racing, and blood is rushing through their ears so loudly the other could have begun shouting and they felt like they wouldn’t even notice. 

The moment passed. And they both came up with the answer.

“You like me!” They say in sync.

“Wait, for how long?” Karma asked. “You barely knew I was alive until the 3-E year happened.”

“Yes, that’s right. It happened after that, when the giant light shield went up and we all found out the truth.” Gakushuu responded, averting his eyes. “I realized that you managed to win against me in academics while planning to assassinate the most impossibly terrifying monster Earth has ever seen.”

“Yeah, I guess I am pretty cool like that,” Karma says, being the humble person that he is. Gakushuu smiles.

“And I just realized then…” Gakushuu turns a shade redder, something he himself would not have thought to be possible. “how insanely amazing you are. Pretty pointless, right? Harbouring some stupid crush for three years and not being brave enough to ever talk about it?”

Gakushuu was never self-deprecating, because he never needed to be. The people at the top don’t need to bring themselves down to the lowest level just to get their approval, and Gakushuu has gone by this mentality since he started school. But after admitting that he allowed his highschool years to pass by without ever being brave enough to admit his feelings for Karma Akabane? A mere classmate? (but Karma has never been _just_ a classmate to him, hasn’t he?) That’s just embarrassing. Humiliating, even. 

“Heh. No, not compared to me I guess. Famous for being a carefree prankster and yet I was too afraid to talk to you about something as trivial as a crush,” Karma looked down, letting his bangs cover his eyes. “Not that I was afraid, obviously. Just… not 100% certain.”

“Since when did you operate on certainty?” Gakushuu teased. “What happened to Karma the troublemaker, who doesn’t care about consequences or what others say?”

“Shut up, three-year-long crush,” Karma lightly slaps Gakushuu’s arm, smiling. “At least mine didn’t start until second year.”

“Second year? It took you a whole year to fall in love with me?” Gakushuu laughed. “I must be losing my touch.”

“Fuck off, it was ‘cause you came out to me and I was like ‘hey, we could potentially date’” Karma shrugs. “...and it developed from there.”

“Huh.” Gakushuu takes a step towards Karma.

“But you’re… y’know, pretty cool. We’re already together most of the day, I don’t mind making it official that we’re together.” Karma also takes a step forward. “Unless you prefer to pine rather than actually date.”

“No, I think I’d rather date you.” Gakushuu leans forward, and Karma meets him halfway.

The first kiss is never perfect, regardless of how experienced either party is. Even if Gakushuu strives to be the best at everything, and Karma strives to defeat every opponent he faces, their first kiss is still clumsy, unsure and hesitant, lips barely touching. 

They disconnect, and stare at each other, gazes flickering, because they’re both unsure of which eye to look at. Their pulses are high. Their faces, flushed.

No words were exchanged as Karma leans back down.

This time, they’re more sure, more aggressive. It becomes an exchange of tongues and emotions. It’s not perfect; teeth clash and neither one of them quite sure what to do. The only thing they’re sure of is that they’re enjoying themselves. 

They separate, both out of breath. 

“Gakushuu, did you know that you’re prettiest whenever I can get you flustered?” Karma says, voice heavy with affection and breathlessness.

“Shut up, Karma. You’re not exactly the face of composure either,” Gakushuu mumbled, a little dazed and more than alright with it.

Karma laughs. leans down, and cups Gakushuu’s face in his hands.

“Does this mean I can call you ‘Shuu-chan’ now?” Karma smiles.

“If you beat me on our final exam, sure,” Gakushuu puts his arms around Karma’s neck, and pulls him down to Gakushuu’s height.

They kiss again, because if they know one thing, is that now that midterms are over, they have a bit of time for a different, more interpersonal sort of study. Before it’s time to throw themselves back into the fast-paced environment of schooling and preparation for their final exams, they can take the time to make up for the last three years that they missed together. 

Karma suddenly broke away.

“Wait, shit! This means we could’ve gotten that 75% off deal at that restaurant!”

Gakushuu thought for a second, then his eyes widened with realization.

“I think… we did. We got seriously undercharged, you know? And I figured it was the waiter being an idiot or something but… a special promotion makes a lot more sense.”

“Fuck, the waiter too? Did the whole world know we were dating before we did?” Karma laughed, and leaned down for another kiss.

“Apparently,” And Gakushuu met him halfway, smiling into Karma’s lips.

* * *

It’s 2:02am, and the two boys have been laying in Gakushuu’s bed, cuddling and watching tv, when they decide that they should be going to sleep. It may be the weekend tomorrow, but that’s no reason to wake up later than 7. Better to keep their circadian rhythms intact.

Usually they set up a futon for Karma, but they didn’t bother with that today. It’s silent, and Gakushuu is just about to doze off when Karma taps him on the shoulder.

“Gakushuu, you awake?” Karma whispers.

“No. Leave a voicemail.” Gakushuu mutters back, turning his head the opposite direction.

“You should stay in Japan,” Karma says. Gakushuu opens his eyes and looks at Karma.

“Well, it’s not like any university here would reject me. If you promise to never become any dumber than you already are, I’ll follow you to Tokyo,” Gakushuu laughs.

“Thanks I’d… I’d like that. And I’ll promise to never become any dumber (which won’t happen, it’s you who’ll become dumber) if you promise to never turn out like your father,”

“Ha, like that’ll be a problem. And I’ll only get dumber after I reach the maximum potential for human cognitive function.”

“After? So you’ll get there?” Karma pokes Gakushuu’s forehead. “I don’t mind sticking around to see that happen.”

“Well, if that’s the way to keep you around, maybe I won’t attempt it.”

“Dumbass, you don’t need to do that to keep me around. I’ll be around you so much you’ll get sick of me.”

“Like I can get sick of you, Karma”

And so these two, who’s ideals and competitive spirits rival those of the gods themselves, still manage to find joy in their lighthearted sleepy bickering at 2am. 

… But this won’t stop Gakushuu from putting toothpaste in Karma’s pencil case as revenge for the chili sauce.

**Author's Note:**

> whew! That's (quite) a bit longer than my other fic, but it was SO MUCH fun to write! Hope you liked it, and leave a comment telling me what you think! I am definitely open for criticism, so feel free to tell me if you hated it!


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